Hi Again!

Hi everyone! I'm glad you found your way to my new blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe! I couldn't afford the Typepad subscription any more, so I decided to move back to Blogger. (I already have two more blogs at Blogger! I don't know what made me originally start Slow Down, Gym Shoe! on Typepad!
Anyway, in case you are a new reader, I thought I'd repost one of my favorite posts from the original blog, which pretty much sums up what a day in my life is like!:

The scene... a typical suburban food court in a busy mall just before Thanksgiving. Enter a Crazy, Abusive,Evil Auntie Who Is Obviously A Crackhead (CAEAWIOAC), and three children between the ages of two and six.




CAEAWIOAC: "Okay, kids, I only have enough money for everyone to spend two or three dollars on a snack. What do you want?"




Kids: "dfjlsjTacobellsdlfsljSubwayslfjsdkfjBurgerKingjsf;lsjletsgosomewhereelseasdlkjas;dlicecream!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Everyone stop talking at once! You can each pick a place to get something. Rafael, what do you want?"




Kids: "dfjlsjTacobellsdlfsljSubwayslfjsdkfjBurgerKingjsf;lsjletsgosomewhereelseasdlkjas;dlicecream!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Quiet! Okay, Rafael, do you want Taco Bell? Lets go over to Taco Bell. Here are the things you could get... soft taco, crunchy taco, potato taco, bean burrito, three layer nachos..."





Kid 1: "Three layer nachos! Yeah! Thats what I want! Those are my favorite! And I want a large Coke!"





CAEAWIOAC: "You're not getting a large Coke. You can have a small Sprite." (Orders the food and pays for it with a Paypal debit card.) "Okay, lets go sit down, and then I'll get the rest of the food."





Kid 1: "No! Thats not what I wanted! Not that kind of nachos! Not with this stuff on it!"





CAEAWIOAC: "But these are three layer nachos! This is what you wanted!"





Kid 1: "Noooooooooo! I wanted plain nachos!"





CAEAWIOAC: "I'm sorry, Rafael. I'll try to scrape all the beans and junk off, right after I get the food for the other two."





Kid 2: "I'd like a tunafish sandwich from Subway, chips, and a drink!"





CAEAWIOAC: "No, Subway doesn't have a dollar menu. How about something from Burger King?"





Kids: "SkldjsfWhopperasdfjasCokesfsdjsdfjFrenchfrifkjsdChickenNuggetsslkdjf;sfjMilkshakelfkkkMustard!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Aaaaaaah! What? First of all, Rafael, you already have a snack, so you can't get Burger King! Second of all..."





Kid 1: (Puts head down on table.)





kid 2: "What a cry baby! Cry baby!"





Kid 3: "Cwy baby!"





Kid 1: "I am not crying! Shut up, you stupid heads!"





Kid 2: "I'll eat the nachos, and Rafael can get Burger King, then."





CAEAWIOAC: "Good idea, Little Bear! Here you go!"





Kid 2: "Aaaaah! Yuck! These are disgusting! I'm not eating these! I want Subway!"





Kid 1: "Thats not fair!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Everyone stop it! Ugh! I was trying to do something nice and let you have a snack, but this is not working. We're done. Nobody gets a snack. We're done." (Throws nachoes away. Starts to throw Kid 1's drink away, but stops, thinking of the dollar and twenty cents she spent on it,)





Kid 1: "Hey, I'm still drinking that!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Fine, drink it, here!"





Kid 2: "Hey, why does he get a drink and we don't!"





CAEAWIOAC: "You can share it!"





Kids: "Nowayimnotsharingwithhimherthatsgrossyuckiwantmyownnofairwhy!"





CAEAWIOAC: (who is starving herself and really wants a snack) "We'll try this one more time. We're all going to Burger King, and you can each get one thing off the dollar menu and one drink. Got it?"





Kid 2: "I want a kids meal!"





Kid 1: "I want a Whopper, fries and a Coke!"





CAEAWIOAC: (speaking slowly) "No. Listen, We're gonna get one thing off the dollar menu, and one small drink. Okay? You can get a Whopper Jr, french fries, or chicken nuggets."





Kid 2: "Can I get a Whopper Jr and french fries?"





CAEAWIOAC:: "NO! WE'RE EACH GETTING ONE THING FROM THE DOLLAR MENU, AND ONE DRINK! What do you want?"





Kid 1: "Just a Whopper then!"





kid 2: "I want a Whopper too!"





Kid 3: "I want chicken nuggets!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Okay, can I please get two Whopper Juniors, one chicken nuggets...."





Kid 1: "No, I want french fries!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Okay, give me one Whopper Junior, one french fries, one chicken nuggets..."





Kid 2: "Can I have chicken nuggets instead?"





CAEAWIOAC: "Fine. Then, I guess, two chicken nuggets, one French fries, and I'll have a Whopper Junior, and four small drinks."





Cashier: "What kind of drinks, please?"





CAEAWIOAC: "Um... Little Bear, please stop talking while I'm talking! You have to wait! Rafael, pick up all of those crowns you just knocked down. Pufferfish, I can't pick you up right now, I'm trying to... Rafael, I said quit touching the Burger King crowns! Now pick them up off the floor! Little Bear! Quit tapping my arm! Please wait just one minute! Pufferfish, where are you going? Wait... what was your question?"





Cashier: "Uh, what type of drinks do you want?"





CAEAWIOAC: "One Coke and three Sprites, please."





Kid 2: "No, I want rootbeer!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Rafael, Pufferfish, do you want rootbeer too? Okay, one Coke and three rootbeers..."





Kid 2: "Why does he get another drink? He already has a drink!"





CAEAWIOAC: "Ugh, thats right! Okay, two rootbeers and one Coke... LITTLE BEAR FOR PETE'S SAKE STOP TAPPING MY ARM AND TALKING WHILE I'M TALKING! STEP AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW!"





Kid 2: "But its an emergency! I need BBQ sauce!"





CAEAWIOAC: "BBQ SAUCE DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AN EMERGENCY, LITTLE BEAR! PUFFERFISH, WHY ARE YOUR SHOES OFF? RAFAEL, GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THE KETCHUP! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? LETS ALL GO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"





KID 2: "Hey, how come he got fries and I didn't?"





(Five minutes later... the three children are running in and out of a near by photo booth, screaming, as CAEAWIOAC curls up in the fetal position underneath a table and mutters to herself.)





THE END!